Being a True Christian Is So Hard


Loving is hard. To love is to sacrifice. And one of the hardest things to do is to love God, because to love Him is to deny yourself. That is why in the Bible (Luke 13:22-23), Jesus said that few will be saved. Few will go to heaven and be with Him because those who truly love Christ is a minority. It is just too hard. Objectively speaking, I live a more moral life than most. Even so, loving Christ is hard for me too.

The American message is to follow your heart, achieve your dreams, and to fulfill your destiny. Have it your way. Everything is about you. This is the message you hear in graduation ceremonies, in world-popular books (such as The Alchemist and Man’s Search for Meaning), and in the media all around you. It is hard not to buy into the message because it feels so right. And if the god in your life is self, then the message is also logical.

I want to believe in the American message too. And I did for several years. But since Christ is the lord of my life, and seeing all that He has done in my life is proof that He is watching over me, I cannot rationally accept the message.

But it is hard not to be swayed.

Eveyone else follows it. My heart wants to follow it. The world is telling me to follow it. And sometimes, I just want to give in and to throw my hands up into the air and say, “Ah, screw it!”

God knows everything about me. But the devil knows quite a bit too. In particular, the devil knows my biggest weakness and is waiting for the right moment to strike. Well, he did strike and it was deja vu all over again.

Where Have All the Quality Christian Women Gone?

Since the Helen incident, I’ve moved to the tropics. It is very suitable for me because there is no winter and I live near the beaches. I buried myself in my projects and work. If it is God’s will, I’m on track to a very, very financially blessed life. Although I am very blessed now and have more than I can use, it will be an opening of the flood gates in about three years. I’m also in a position of power and am experiencing the brown-nosing effect. And of course, having wealth, status, and confidence means that it is not hard to get the company of women.

I’ve been intentional in seeking out Christian women for a serious relationship. I learned my lesson from the last fiasco. And sometimes, I don’t have to look very hard; they come to me. And when they approach me, I give them all a chance, no matter what they look like.

I’ve seen many girls over the past few months since moving. You would think that I’m taken and in love by now with one of Gods daughters. But that is not the case. Just because someone goes to church and calls herself a Christian does not mean she is automatically relationship material. This is proven by the Christian divorce rate, which is as high as the world’s.

Or maybe it is just my fault and I’m being too picky.

Here are my reasons why it did not work out thus far:

1. I am not physically attracted to them. This is by far the biggest reason. I read articles, like this one, that says how I should be drawn to inner beauty instead of outer. I tried to. I really did, but I can’t. I need both outer and inner beauty. If a girl only has inner beauty, I only see her as a platonic friend.

2. They are too independent. A girl told me that she doesn’t cook and does know how to cook. She was beaming with pride, as if not knowing how to cook is an attractive quality. Another girl told me that she could work up to 11 hours a day, 7 days a week. I said that her best chance of finding someone is at work. And the sad thing is, it seems as if every single Christian woman is Miss Independent. They’re so strong, they can’t ever be vulnerable.

3. They are not true Christians. Another girl mentioned how she goes to church only when she really needs God. Otherwise, her attendance is sporadic. If that is the case, I don’t see the difference between her and a non-Christian.

4. They are crazy. Self-explanatory.

I’m not even going to mention the single moms and the reformed party girls, because they never had a chance in the first place.

I can imagine the devil watching from the sidelines, smirking with satisfaction. Between Alex’s pickiness and the state of the modern Christian women, there won’t be any Christian marriage for him in the horizon.

The Unexpected Surprise

Then she came into my life.

When I first met her, I didn’t even consider liking her. She wasn’t a Christian. But she lived closed to me, so I asked her to go for walks around the neighborhood. It was platonic.

Slowly, I knew her more and more. I knew her background. I knew her likes and dislikes. I knew her character and personality.

She was attractive; she was not a Christian.

She was feminine; she was not a Christian.

She was traditional; she was not a Christian.

She was kind; she was not a Christian.

She wanted to attend church with me; she was not a Christian.

She encouraged me to pray with her before meals; she was not a Christian.

She really liked me; she was not a Christian.

And I’ve fallen for her.

I struggled with God. Oh, I really did. The Bible said I should not be unequally yoked. But I really like her. And those Christian women are not my equal. I pondered about it. I prayed about it. I read about it.

It was deja vu all over again. Will I repeat my mistake?

And in the end, I said, “God, I know what the Bible says. But if there’s an opening with her, I’m taking it.” I chose Eve. I’m sorry. I can follow everything else, but this is one weakness I could not overcome.

Enjoyed the article? Then get e-mail updates. FREE!


  1. Hi Alex,
    I’ve been reading your posts for a few months now and can identify with your struggle. Just a few short years ago I was going through the same situation. I had dated a several girls but would quickly see through them. One day though, I met “the one” or so I thought. Heck, she even claimed to be a Christian. She was a reformed party girl, a former model and professional athlete. Tall, blonde, and gorgeous by all accounts. Over time I began to realize that I wasn’t totally myself around her. My family noticed too. Within 6 months we were talking about marriage. I also started noticing that, although she told me I was the first man who could “tame the shrew in her”, she gradually became manipulative and demanding, always presenting herself in a seductive way – “If you love me you’ll _______.” Over time I became resentful of her and I eventually had to break it off. I decided to stop trying at that point. I decided that I would totally give it over to God because, up to that point, I’d been a miserable failure at looking for a mate. I threw myself into work and into my church. I started a new job, made new friends, and then met this attractive and lovely young lady who was wholesome in every way. She was a joy to be around. We had many of the same interests and I even figured out that my dad had purchased my first car from her dad, although our parents didn’t know one another. I decided not to pursue her though, leaving it to God if it was to be. Strangely, management asked me to work with her on a project, even though we were in different departments. This seemed to happen over and over. We became good friends, with mutual respect for one another. Over time it became obvious that we both felt more than friendship but we both agreed to take it very slowly because neither of us wanted to endanger our relationship with the Lord. We had known one another for about 3 years before we began dating. We dated for another year before we were married. This January we’ll celebrate our 15 year anniversary and we have two of the most handsome young sons you could wish for. Neither of us is perfect, but there’s no one else I rather be with in this whole world. I would give my life for her and she would do the same for me. We’ve been poor and in debt together, and now we’re much better off, together.
    My point in this long response is that, so far, you’ve done nothing but mess up your love life with your own efforts. Romantic relationships between a man and woman have to be grounded on the truth of Christ in order to prosper. I know this will hurt, but I’m warning you as a brother — be really careful with this girl. She could be just the one that Satan has sent to tempt you to turn away from the truth. You know the truth – “be ye not unequally yoked”. If you must, go very, very slowly with her. Focus on doing only Godly things together and don’t give in to the temptation to be in romantic situations with her. Spend time doing volunteer work or helping the needy. As you work alongside her, the true nature of her character will reveal itself. Only then will you be able to truly judge what type of person she really is. Better yet, pray for her and with her, for her salvation. If you’re more concerned with her spiritual well being, you’ll be less likely to marry for selfish reasons.
    Hope this helps,

    • Alex Ding says:

      Hey Dan,

      Thanks for your comment. I know the passage that you speak about, but knowing and doing are two different things. And our situation is a bit different. You broke up with the reformed party girl because she was a poor mate. And most people who regret marrying non-Christians do so from a selfish point of view — the other person being a poor choice. You only hear of the bad pairings, but rarely of the pairings that work out. But what if this non-Christian is compatible and good on so many aspects, but faith? She has been good to me and I cannot repay her goodness by dumping her.

      I will do the only thing I could in this situation: I’ll leave it all up to God. If God wills it, then we stay together. If He doesn’t, he’ll break us up. But in the meantime, I’ll continue to treat her well.

  2. Alex,
    Please listen to me!! Get out of the relationship with this girl now!! I am trying to save you the heartache and discipline of The Lord. Satan will use her. Please trust God. I know how u feel, trust me. I am a true follower of Christ. I am alone. There are no true believers here with me. The Lord can bring you a wife. You need to seek His will as to whether or not you should be married. I agree that there are so many women out there that are not really following Jesus! Please be patient or you will regret it. You sound like a person that is actually born again and u will not be able to truly be yoked with an unbeliever. You r right, following Jesus involves pain and there is suffering, but that is how it is. He is all there is! To give u hope, I will tell u where I am with this myself. I had to totally surrender the issue of whether to be married to God and ask what His will was. I had planned to stay single so as not to get my heart broken again. However God tells me He has a husband for me. He told me who it is. I have been waiting over 4 years and I don’t understand but The Lord keeps confirming it and tells me just wait and He will bring it to pass. I know not having sex is hard! But speak and be honest with Him and He will help you. The Lord can make a beautiful relationship for u with someone else in Him if that is His will.

    • You’re very courageous Erica. Let me take a moment to encourage you to stay the course! I’ve just prayed that the Holy Spirit would come alongside you and help you to follow his will.

Speak Your Mind