My Growing Fortune for Your Fading Beauty? No Thanks

love

This is an oldie, but man … it’s good.

A few years ago, a woman posted this on Craigslist’s personal ad section:

What am I doing wrong?

Okay, I’m tired of beating around the bush. I’m a beautiful (spectacularly beautiful) 25-year-old girl. I’m articulate and classy. I’m not from New York. I’m looking to get married to a guy who makes at least [a] half a million a year. I know how that sounds, but keep in mind that a million a year is middle class in New York City, so I don’t think I’m overreaching at all.

Are there any guys who make 500K or more on this board? Any wives? Could you send me some tips? I dated a businessman who makes average around 200 – 250K. But that’s where I seem to hit a roadblock. 250,000K won’t get me to Central Park West. I know a woman in my yoga class who was married to an investment banker and lives in Tribeca, and she’s not as pretty as I am, nor is she a great genius. So what is she doing right? How do I get to her level?

Here are my questions specifically:

– Where do you single rich men hang out? Give me specifics- bars, restaurants, gyms.

– What are you looking for in a mate? Be honest guys, you won’t hurt my feelings.

– Is there an age range I should be targeting (I’m 25)?

– Why are some of the women living lavish lifestyles on the Upper East Side so plain? I’ve seen really “plain Jane” boring types who have nothing to offer married to incredibly wealthy guys. I’ve seen drop dead gorgeous girls in singles bars in the East Village. What’s the story there?

– Jobs I should look out for? Everyone knows — lawyer, investment banker, doctor. How much do those guys really make? And where do they hang out? Where do the hedge fund guys hang out?

– How you decide marriage vs. just a girlfriend? I am looking for MARRIAGE ONLY.

Please hold your insults — I’m putting myself out there in an honest way. Most beautiful women are superficial; at least I’m being up front about it. I wouldn’t be searching for these kind of guys if I wasn’t able to match them — in looks, culture, sophistication, and keeping a nice home and hearth.

She received this response (my emphasis in bold):

Dear Pers-431649184:

I read your posting with great interest and have thought meaningfully about your dilemma. I offer the following analysis of your predicament. Firstly, I’m not wasting your time, I qualify as a guy who fits your bill; that is I make more than $500K per year. That said, here’s how I see it:

Your offer, from the prospective of a guy like me, is plain and simple a crappy business deal. Here’s why. Cutting through all the B.S., what you suggest is a simple trade: you bring your looks to the party, and I bring my money. Fine, simple. But here’s the rub — your looks will fade and my money will likely continue into perpetuity … in fact, it is very likely that my income increases but it is an absolute certainty that you won’t be getting any more beautiful!

So, in economic terms, you are a depreciating asset and I am an earning asset. Not only are you a depreciating asset, your depreciation accelerates! Let me explain: you’re 25 now and will likely stay pretty hot for the next 5 years, but less so each year. Then the fade begins in earnest. By 35, stick a fork in you!

So in Wall Street terms, we would call you a trading position, not a buy and hold … hence the rub … marriage. It doesn’t make good business sense to “buy you” (which is what you’re asking) so I’d rather lease. In case you think I’m being cruel, I would say the following: if my money were to go away, so would you, so when your beauty fades I need an out. It’s as simple as that. So a deal that makes sense is dating, not marriage.

Separately, I was taught early in my career about efficient markets. So, I wonder why a girl as “articulate, classy and spectacularly beautiful” as you has been unable to find your sugar daddy. I find it hard to believe, if you are as gorgeous as you say you are, that the $500K hasn’t found you, if not only for a tryout. By the way, you could always find a way to make your own money and then we wouldn’t need to have this difficult conversation.

With all that said, I must say you’re going about it the right way. Classic “pump and dump.” I hope this is helpful, and if you want to enter into some sort of lease, let me know.

You can’t blame her for trying. But you, a power player, knows better than to “buy” her.

Frankly, if all you’re going by is outer appearance, why buy when you can lease? After she gets dinged-up, trade her in for a newer, shiner model.

It’s just good business.

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Comments

  1. WOW! Dude you just broke it down! I cannot understand why women think that they do not have to do anything but look pretty? Instead of making her own money she wants to grab someone else’s hard earned money. She wants to live in the NYC so that she can live the life of those dumb ass chicks in “Sex In The City”

    Why would a man who makes a lot of money would want to marry in the first place? He can have any woman he wants and he will most definitely have 100’s of other women waiting to get with him. Looks fade she will not be pretty forever then you decide to divorce her vain ass and she takes half of everything!

    Nah bro! The chick is looking for a free ride! I’m glad you wrote back to her and told her the truth as there are many women out there who think the same way. Yet they still want to be treated like equals?

    These woman and women in general have their priorities all fucked up!
    Great Post Alex!

    • I wasn’t the one who wrote back, but whoever the guy is has my profound respect.

      Glad to see that I’m not the only one who finds her behavior outrageous.

    • Not all women are like this. I despise women who are like this, clip-clopping in their heels with their chubby little manicured fingers and inability to do anything whatsoever, as well as the men who think of women like cars. This entire post just shows me that humanity is doomed. Fuck, I’m moving to Vermont before we are wiped out.

      • I feel what you’re saying, Bridget. I don’t think Vermont is gonna be any different though. At least you can enjoy the slopes and Ben & Jerry ice cream.

  2. I always admire people that age like a fine fine and get better with age.

    Some go sour.

    I remember a voice instructor who thought more people should learn voice lessons in high school. Her point was that we can use our voice for the rest of our life, and that we can take it with us wherever we go.

    Some things are timeless. Some things get better with time. Some things truly are fleeting.

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