The 3 Things Man Pursue (and How They Can Destroy Him)


There are 3 things a person will seek as he transitions from boyhood to manhood:

  1. self
  2. money
  3. woman

Self, money, and woman are a man’s “holy trinity.” Pretty much every man, at one point in his life, will seek them out. After finding all three things, his transformation into a real man will be complete.

Now there are other things that men want. Some may want power. Some may want fame. Some may want a legacy. Some may wanna be swole. But these are all lesser wants … There are men who can do without power, fame, legacy, or even a buff body. But almost every single man want to find self, money, and woman.

The 3 Pursuits of Man

Every man, at one point in his life, will seek out each of these things.

With that being said … the pursuit of the trinity, in and of itself, is not bad. In fact, it is expected.

However, if you are not careful, your pursuits can and will destroy you.

Lemme explain …


Of the three, the pursuit of self is the most essential to any man. Once you find your true self — by knowing who you truly are, and by fully accepting who you are — you will be unshakable. You will be full of confidence. You will be a new man.

What do I mean by “truly knowing and fully accepting who you are?” Maybe you’re a wise guy and say …

Well Alex, I’m naturally big-boned. That is why I am a 500 lb whale who lies on my bed all day.

Alright, let’s forget the fact that you snack on two whole pies of pizza and a tub of ice cream. If you are fine with being a whale, then don’t change a thing. But most guys would not be fine with being bed-ridden all day. Therefore, they’ll eat less and exercise more. They make active changes in their lives to avoid such a crappy future.

The same thing applies to being poor, ignorant, lazy, and what not. If your situation sucks, and if you can change it … then change it!

Pursuit of self does not mean finding excuses to be satisfied with mediocrity. But rather, pursuit of self means to understand that there are things that you cannot change, and to embrace them.

For instance … height. Unless you want to endure through excruciating, bone-sawing surgery to change that, you’ll be short for pretty much all your life. If you are vertically challenged, embrace it. Heck, that is what Verne Troyer did. (He’s the guy who played Mini-Me in Austin Powers.) He gets more money and more women than most people twice his height.


“I may be short, but I got mo’ money and mo’ woman than you.”

Same thing with your personality. If you’re funny, embrace your funniness. If you’re a deep thinker, embrace your mind. If you are introverted, embrace your silence.

Once you have successfully found your true self, everything about you will change. You still stand up straighter. You will speak more loudly and clearer. You will maintain eye contact. You will stand up for yourself, if necessary. You will know what you stand for. You will have a purpose in life.  

All great men know and accept who they really are.

How Self Can Destroy You

The pursuit of self is the most difficult to achieve, and therefore, the most likely cause of a man’s downfall. With anything in life, too little or too much self will be damaging. And if the damage goes on for too long, it can destroy you.

Too little of self. In Japan, hikikomori are people who never leave their houses. They are usually young adults, insecure, socially awkward, friendless, and financially-dependent on their parents. Frankly, I don’t see what good they do to society. They are a drain to the community and to their parents.

Hikikomori-like people are not found only in Japan. They are everywhere. You’ve met many “men” like this … such as the guy who lives in his mom’s basement and rarely ventures out. They lack courage. They lack conviction. And they lack purpose. These people are already dead, because they’ve never truly lived.

Chances are, you are not a hikikomori. You probably get out of your house. You probably have a few friends. And hopefully, you’re making your own money. But still, you can possess too little of self. The hallmark of this is lack of self-confidence.

You do not look people in the eyes. You do not stand up for yourself. And maybe won’t stand up for your friends or family. (Essentially, you are without a backbone.) You are a push-over and deserve no respect. You have no goals and will change who you are to please everyone. In the end, you please no one.

Too much of self. On the flip side, there is such a thing as too much self. If this is the case, when you have too much confidence … it becomes arrogance. I admit. There is sometimes a fine line between self-confidence and arrogance. But in this case, you way surpassed the line.

With arrogance, comes pride. And as the Bible says …

Pride goes before destruction, a haughty spirit before a fall. – Proverbs 16:18

How so? Pride blinds you. You will think you are infallible. You will feel invulnerable. And when wise people give you advice, you reject it without thinking. You think you know everything, but in the end … you will be left with nothing. If you think you’re always right, how will you learn from your mistakes?

You can’t. And you won’t. You’ll stagnate and whither.

And, it gives people a whole lotta satisfaction to see a prideful person fall. Hardly anyone will come to your rescue.


Of the three, the pursuit of money is the most popular. We all need money. We all want more of it. And for good reason. With money, you can have almost everything your greedy little heart desires. Almost.

The good news is that you really don’t need that much money — that is if you’re single and without a family. If you have a roof over your head and enough food for your belly, you are pretty much set to achieve anything. You will have absolute freedom, if you choose to take it. Once you have enough money (which is defined as being able to fulfill your basic needs), what else do you really need but to become better?

How Money Can Destroy You

You gotta be careful though. Money that liberates could also be money that enslaves. Like self, too little or too much money can destroy you. Both situations leads to the intense addiction for mo’ money. When that happens, you will no longer be a master over money, but money will be a master over you.

Too little of money. If you fall into this category, you are extremely poor. You are even poorer than the American poor. Most people in this country, at the very least, have enough to eat and a place to lay their heads. (Thanks to welfare, food banks, and homeless shelters.)

But if you happen to find yourself without the basics, you may lose control of yourself. You may act like a savage to survive. You may steal, threaten, or resort to crime to get through the day.

Most people are sympathetic to people who resort to crime to survive. Heck, they would probably do the same thing.

The most damaging aspect of having too little money is the scarcity mindset — that there will never be enough. Under the scarcity mindset, you are constantly telling yourself that you cannot afford this. You cannot have that.

And you know what? You’re right. It will always be a self-fulfilling prophecy. The scarcity mindset will bring scarcity to your life. You’ll think small, because thinking big is too unrealistic. You work your fingers to the bone to make your minimum wage. You’ll keep chasing after a pittance, grabbing on to each penny for your dear life, but you will never have enough.

Too much of money. Lots of people find nothing wrong with being rich. I don’t think there is anything wrong with that either. But if your pursuit of money is so strong, and if that is all you think about, you become money’s slave. You may sacrifice other people for it. You may be willing to lie, cheat, and kill for it. Unlike the destitute man, people will have no compassion for a rich cheat. Just look at Bernard Madoff.

When the love of money grabs a hold of you, there is always a chance that you will change for the worse — from a normal, civilized, and decent person into a hardened criminal. You may be thrown into prison and lose your freedom. Or worse … you may cross the wrong person and lose your life.

On the flip side, there are extremely rich people who got there the honest way — by creating a whole lotta value. I have a whole lotta respect for these people. I don’t get jealous of those who are super rich and got there by making the world better. They deserve it. One such man is John D. Rockefeller, a 20th century oil tycoon.

You would think that the money from controlling the US oil industry would be enough for anyone. But that is not true …

When asked once, “How much money is enough money?” He replied, “Just a little bit more.”

This is a man who will never have enough. This man is a slave. What happens when you become rich, but become a slave to money? Sure, you’ll have a whole lotta money, but you’ll be a miser. You cannot even part with 1 lousy cent. Your love for money will strangle your love for others. And you will die a alone and wretched. But look at the bright side, you’ll have lots of money to keep you company.

On your deathbed, when everyone who visits you just want your money — like vultures circling around a carcass — would you have wished for another dollar more, or for real friends and families? Would you die with regret?


Of the three, the pursuit of woman is the most intoxicating when it hits you. A man who is not used to love’s intoxicating effects will become incapacitated.

A logical man will be irrational. She didn’t text me back because her phone’s battery must have died.

A fearless man will start to worry.When she told me I was funny, was she laughing at me or with me?

A free man will shackle himself. I would marry that girl.

And the worst part is … The destructive nature of this pursuit will affect most men.

It is natural for man to seek woman (or multiple women). And vice versa. It is natural for women seek men. It is simple biology that people want to reproduce.  

Chances are, you’re gonna go through this, just like countless men before you did. But there is no need to despair. There is hope …

The funny thing is that love’s intoxication is like a disease. If you want immunity to it, you gotta be exposed to it. So go out and mingle with women. Eventually, it will no longer be intoxicating. That beautiful angel is now … just another girl. You can then go back to being a logical, fearless, and free man.

(As powerful as love’s grip can be, it is the least important pursuit out of the three. If you have self and if you have money, the woman will naturally come. You will not even need to pursue.)

How Woman Can Destroy You

Because the pursuit of woman is the most intoxicating and the most captivating, it could do the most harm to man. Now combine that with a bias in the Western court system that favors mothers over dads, and wives over husbands, the harm becomes so much greater.

A Word of Warning:

Just because you are rich doesn’t not mean you’re good with women. There are many rich men who have been financially devastated by women.

Too little of women. When you know few women and socializes with even fewer women … you becomes like basement-dweller Bob. You put women on a pedestal. Basically, you are not grounded in reality. Your mind creates its own fantasy of women. You start getting an unrealistically positive view of women. How they are so beautiful. How they must be angels. How they can do no wrong. How they are so innocent, so naive, and so pure.

Basement-dweller Bobs and other socially inept males have no chance around women. Bob puts his guard down around mercenary women, just because they look pretty. He only see the positives, no matter how unrealistic it is. Girls don’t fart. When they go to the bathroom, glitter and rainbows come out the rear end. (I will never forget that quote. I can’t believe how much some guys will suck up for a bit of play.) He have fantasies of living happily ever after with his one and only soul mate.

And chances are, the woman he eventually ends up with will be a bad egg. She will ruin him. She could be clinically insane and make his life a living hell. If he makes any money, she could take him to family court, demand alimony and child support, and bleed him dry.

But the most harmful effect is his unfulfilled desire. Because he has a scarcity mindset due to having so few girls in his life, he “overpays.” He will plead and beg. He will change himself to win her favor. He will cease to become a man — a leader, the rightful head of the relationship. But his tactics won’t work. She won’t stay, because she already lost interest in him.

He is a slave to women.

Too much of women. On the flip side, having too many women and needing many women in your life would lead to ruin. This is where a lot of those who are into “game” are at. They boast and celebrate their conquests. Another night and another notch on the bedposts. But just like those who have few women, those with too many of them are slaves also — but in a different way.

Unlike basement-dweller Bob, you’re not going to mold yourself to please a woman — your “soul mate.” But you’ll still mold yourself … to please as many women as possible.

Why? Basically, you need women to validate your own worth. Maybe you’re are trying to prove that you’re “alpha.” Maybe you’re are addicted to the pleasures of the body. Whatever the case may be, too many women will destroy a man.

Take a look at King Solomon, who was the ultimate playboy. He had 700 wives and 300 concubines. And in the end, his women led him astray from his source of power — God. If one woman will try to change you, imagine what a herd of them will do to you.

Being with a lotta women could lead to unwanted kids. Once you have a kid, you are now under the control of the family court. If a girl wants to, she can easily have the family court take your hard-earned money to take care of your kid. Never mind the fact that the money you gotta pay is dependent upon your income, not dependent on how much money it takes to raise the child. Bottom line is that child support will ravage your finances.

Too many woman can also lead to STDs. Yes, the majority of STDs are treatable with antibiotics. But there are also diseases that are incurable. For example, genital herpes and HIV. Once someone finds out about your diseased state, you are damaged goods. The long-term effect of the diseases is a lower-quality of life and even death.

The Rare Man — The Balanced Man

The pursuit of self, money, and woman — in and of itself — is not bad. But like all things, you need a balance. Watch out, lest you become destroyed by them.

The primary way to become balanced is to always remain in control. Be in control of all aspects of yourself.

Do not let others dictate your worth. But do not lose control of yourself due to your own ego. Become a self-confident man.

Do not let the lack of money restrict your dreams. But do not let the love money consume you. Become a money-maker, not a money-lover.

Do not let the lack of woman consume your thoughts. But do not let an abundance of women dictate who you are. Get good with women, and yet remain independent from them.

If you can fulfill your desires without being consumed by them, you are indeed a rare breed of man. You are balanced and poised for power.

Be honest with yourself …

Are you a man headed for destruction? Or are you a man headed for great things?

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  1. Those 3 rules are the core to every man. Unfortunately just like everything else in life too much of a good thing i also bad for you. As men we need to learn how to balance ourselves and or lives to the best of our ability.

    I’m sure there are a lot of us who are balanced because we put ourselves out there and experienced what life has to offer. As time passes we become more comfortable with ourselves form there we learn what we can do as well as what we want out of life. You only learn by putting yourself out there. Too many men now are not really living their lives are not learning. Instead they sit around listless doing nothing but letting time slip by.
    Everyman has worth which is why those 3 rules that Alex explained in his post are important! Learn and live them as well as keeping it balanced. Your life will become better when you are not a slave.

    Balance is always the key!

    Great Post Alex!

    • Solid comment.

    • Hi Jose,

      Great observation! Life really is about striking a balance between our wants and sacrifices. And, I agree, that too much of a good thing can be bad for you. After all, it’s often the dose that makes the poison.


  2. Alex,

    Excellent post. It kind of sets the tone for a balance in life that all are looking for.

    Answers to these questions often range from one end of the spectrum to the other and involve a ton of extremism. Have more, have less, etc.

    I have generally found that the truth is always somewhere in the middle.

    Stay strong brother!


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