Why Good-Looks and Being Rich Are Not Enough to Win Over Women

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In the past few days, if you’ve been paying even the slightest bit of attention to the news, you should have heard about Elliot Rodger and the killing in Santa Barbara, California.

In summary, a 22-year-old male virgin was so distraught over his lack of attention from girls, he planned “the day of retribution” for the “injustices of this twisted world.”

As a result, 10 people tragically lost their lives.

If you dig deeper into the murder, you will see that:

  • he is decent-looking
  • he comes from a rich family
  • he is painfully lonely

According to his 130+ pages of autobiography, here is a kid that seems to have all the advantages that life can offer. He flies first-class to numerous countries. His dad comes from money and has quite a prestigious career in Hollywood. He has connections and mingles with the wealthy families. He gets into elite private events. If money can buy it, he can get it.

And yet, he never had a girlfriend. He’d never been kissed. He doesn’t even have a phone number of a girl in his contact list.

Why is that? How can a decent-looking, rich kid not get a girlfriend? But on the other hand, why do guys who are not as good-looking nor as rich get girlfriends?

Those are the questions Elliot has been asking ever since puberty.

And the answer is profoundly simple …

Why Elliot Rodger Never Had a Girlfriend

Ever since he was young, Elliot focused mainly on being picked. He wanted to be picked by the cool kids. He wanted to be picked by the pretty, blonde girls. He tried everything to be accepted. Took up skateboarding. Got a new hairstyle. Bought nice clothes.

He would walk around the neighborhood trying to find one girl to talk to him … or even to flash him a simple smile. In his short 22 years of life, he got one smile. That’s it.

What did he do wrong? Why did girls ignore him for most of his life?

Because he took on the female role and focused on being approachable, rather than taking on the male role and doing the approaching himself!

Here is how it is supposed to work:

The guy approaches the gal. He either gets accepted or rejected. The gal tries to make herself approachable. She either accepts or rejects the suitor.

But Elliot got it all backwards because he was too scared to do what a guy is supposed to do.

Reviewing the Alpha Male

Throughout his autobiography, he calls himself “superior” and “alpha.” From the outside, it may seem like it. But those who interact with him can see through the facade.

I wrote about being alpha previously. So if you remember … an alpha male does not focus on women (as the antagonist does). Rather, he focuses on self. An alpha male does not play pretend (as the antagonist does). Rather, he develops himself into the real thing.

In order to become alpha, the very first thing you will need is self-confidence — boldness. The antagonist lived in constant fear of rejection. Eventually that fear turned into hatred and extreme violence.

There are lots of guys who are going through the same thing as Elliot. Maybe they never got a girlfriend. Maybe they have never been kissed. Maybe they rarely even get a “hello.”

The fearful boy wishes for the magical day when some hot girl would deem him worthy of being her boyfriend. So he tries to make himself as pretty (or as buff) as possible. He may look like a million bucks, but his inner self is a hobo.

And it rarely works out. Chances are, he will be disappointed over and over and over. Like poor Elliot. Waiting, but never picked. Maybe you are just like him: alone, fearful, and enraged.

How to Overcome the Fear of Rejection (and Finally Become a Man)

So as a public service, to prevent another incident like the Santa Barbara massacre, I will teach you how to become a man and overcome your fear of rejection.

Maybe you have a debilitating social anxiety. Maybe you have Asperger syndrome. Maybe you have a wicked stutter. Maybe you don’t know what to say. It doesn’t matter. What I am about to teach you will break through all your bull excuses … if you follow through on it.

Do not theorize about it. Do not analyze it. Do not shuffle it away as another tactic up your sleeve that you never use.

Do what I tell you, and you will take on the role of a man and overcome the fear of rejection.

It seems like a lofty goal, doesn’t it? But don’t get me wrong. You won’t be giving good impromptu speeches after a day. You won’t be bedding hot girls after a day. But you will take the most important step — the first (of many) to being self-confident and bold in social situations.

You ready for it? All you have to do is to …

Say, “Hi!”

If you’ve been immersing yourself into the pick-up artist culture, forget everything you’ve learned. Forget about coming up with a witty line, negs, magic tricks, and other tactics that you memorize but don’t even use. The most important lesson that you can “pick up” from the PUAs is to stop being a pussy and approach girls.

If you can’t handle rejection, you shouldn’t play with girls. You’re not ready yet.

But you know what? I believe in baby steps. You’re not going to run a marathon on the very first day you go running. So I do not expect you to charm hotties on the very first day you start macking.

Thus … at first, don’t just approach girls. Approach everyone. Men. Women. Old. Young. Ugly. Pretty. Start with little, ol’, harmless ladies if you have to.

As you walk around your neighborhood, say “hi” to your neighbors. If you cannot even get the courage to say anything, just wave. Most likely, the person will respond back. Say “hi” to the cashier at checkout. Say “hi” to a vendor in the mall. Say “hi” to everyone you meet.

This easy, first step is so crucial because it will break down your misconception that no one likes you. Out of the thousands of people around you, it is absurd that not even one person (besides your parents) will like you. Absurd.

When you greet people, they may or may not continue the encounter into conversation. If it does, go along with it. I’ve been invited to have beer with people I hardly even know from a simple “hello” and subsequent conversation. A lot of people are hurting inside, wishing for a friend who understands them. Even hot girls are hurting.

Why do you think a beautiful female teacher throws away her future by sleeping with a male student?

Why do you think a pretty, rich girl would go out with an ugly, poor guy?

Why do you think a blind guy can land a good-looking lawyer as a girlfriend? And yet fly with another good-looking girl? (This girl was not his girlfriend and was all over him in the plane.)

Because the girls feel that someone finally understands them.

The last scenario is not fiction at all. During my last flight, a brown-haired, average-shaped man with a walking stick came over and touched my shoulders, asking if this was row 10. I said it was and noticed that he had a hole in his right eye. Maybe he had coloboma — a hole in the eye ever since birth. Whatever the case may be, he was blind.

Then I noticed the girl next to him. His traveling partner is a cute and curly-haired redhead. They sat right behind me.

For the whole 6 hours, they were enjoying their conversation. Her face was close to his. He held her and caressed her hand with his thumb. Maybe she was trying to be a mother-figure, a compassionate friend, or even a lover. If it was “just” a friendship, it was definitely a very close one.

Since I sat directly in front of them, I was curious as to what is going on. I don’t meet many blind people and have certainly never seen one with a potential lover. So I eavesdropped. He talked about his girlfriend and how they broke up. He talked about his work. He talked about how he felt. And it was non-stop communication for hours.

She was captivated by him.

Why is that?

He had nothing going on for him. He was handicapped. He was not good-looking. (As if good-looks even matter to a blind man.) He was not flashy nor rich. If it was not for his blindness, he is plain as Joe Smoe. So how did someone with a handicap and with a disadvantage land a cutie?

Two words: emotional connection.

He won her affection with words. She understood who he was. It was a connection that people are rarely have.

Through necessity, the blind man became so good with words. And lucky for him, women fall in love through their ears.

When I meet new women, most of the time I wear a t-shirt and gym shorts. I look like a slob, but at least I am a comfortable slob. I don’t drive a fancy car. I do what I want and just go about my life. I don’t aim to impress anyone when I venture out. And if I see someone I wanna know better, I talk to them.

I don’t try to meet women when drunk. I don’t try to meet women by surrounding myself with a group of friends for support. It just plain ol’ me.

Meeting women in a plain state does two things: 

  1. I have no crutch to being bold. I don’t rely on being flashy. I don’t rely on liquid courage. I don’t rely on impressing my friends. I do whatever I do because I wanna do it. When I first started out, I felt afraid. But I acted in the face of fear. But eventually, after countless approaches, fear is no long there to hold me back.
  2. Since I have nothing visibly impressive about me (i.e. nice clothes, cars, etc.), I had to hone my conversation skills to develop rapport. I had to win her over through words alone. I don’t wanna boast, but I have gotten quite good with words. (Especially when compared to my former self.) Add the finishing touches of looks, money, and symbols of status, it really is like being in god-mode.

For women, good-looks and wealth matter … somewhat. But they are only part of the attraction equation, especially in a well-to-do place such as where Elliot lived. Aesthetics and money will not help you to stand out. They will just help you blend in among the elite. You’re just like your neighbors.

The other part to attracting women and becoming a top dog is to develop yourself, especially your self-confidence. Just like the blind man did not apologize or sulk for his blindness, neither should you apologize or sulk for not having women around.

Rather, do what you can do to change your circumstance. If you don’t wanna be alone anymore, start with a simple “hi” and see how far the rabbit hole goes. And who knows? Once you explore enough rabbit holes, maybe you’ll tunnel your way into the heart of women.

(As a side note … Elliot was diagnosed with Asperger syndrome. But he would have been better off with someone showing him how to talk to girls rather than popping anti-psychotic pills. A simple “hi” can really save lives.)

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Comments

  1. “A lot of people are hurting inside, wishing for a friend who understands them. Even hot girls are hurting.”

    Yep. If you can tap into the deep pain of loneliness that 99% of people feel… and relieve it, you can do wonders.

  2. Haha holy shit.

    I had not heard about this guy. But what a story. Talk about wasted opportunity.

  3. Yeah that emotional connection is 100% correct and if you learn how to get it,
    you can be completely blind and still get a beautiful women.

    http://i.perezhilton.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/04/andrea-bocelli-baby-1__oPt.jpg

    • Alex Ding says:

      With your example, you can still be severely handicapped and still be awesome. Any obstacle can be overcome with enough perseverance.

  4. Its really hard to believe that a young man with stature could not pull any girls? Maybe being an Aspie could have been an issue for him since most have some issues with socializing and meeting people. Still if someone could have taken the time to show him how to do it I’m sure he would have been able to pull them.

    He was just a confused young man who could not for the life of him come out of his shell! Instead of turning a negative into a positive in that he should have pushed himself to break out of his shell he remained inside and just kept feeding the negativity which turned to anger and then murder.

    It sad that there are people out there not just women who think they are entitled to everything! To think that they do not have to put in time to get better like the rest of us!

    Some people never learn!

Trackbacks

  1. […] intellectual, a tortured and creative soul, or anything in between.(I am reminded of the blind mack on the plane. Despite his handicap and a lower-than-average outward appearance, he did very well with the girl […]

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